It seemed like a good idea, didn't it? A fun tradition, a charming idea. Plus, everyone else was doing it. But now you are secretly tired of that elf. Trying to come up with ideas, having to worry about it along with everything else that goes on in December. But what can you do? The kids are accustomed to it.
That's where I come in.
I specialize in elf removal. I will help you get rid of your elf. Specifically, I will write a story for your elf. The ending will involve your elf going away. Forever.
These can be written to suit your personal preferences. Would you like your elf to go out in a blaze of glory? How about a touching act of elf-sacrifice. A rare elfin disease. A sick relative who needed the elf more. Or, a run-in with the neighbor's car as a reminder to look both ways when crossing the street. Whatever you want. Funny. Tragic. Cautionary. Inspirational.
A charming (or chilling story) that will free your holidays forever.
And it can be yours, with a nominal fee. Let me help restore your sanity.
*I am also available to write stories for you about tooth fairies, Easter bunnies, leprechauns, and missing homework assignments.
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Please don't steal my words! Whatever I lack as a writer, it's still one of the few skills I have.
If you foolishly disregard this warning, I will send this guy after you. He's 6' 6".